I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
