i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
