we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
