Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
you traded sex for a burrito?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
