I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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