I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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