White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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