I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
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