His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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