You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
