Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
