i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
