fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
