I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
