u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
