Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
