tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Randomize
