you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
