; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
