i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
