you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
