His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
