I can't watch pbs sober anymore
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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