if i can run in heels then i can drive
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
