he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
