Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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