It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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