I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
