I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
