I just threw up on my dentist
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
