Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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