Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
