My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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