his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
