Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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