Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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