Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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