it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
