Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
