walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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