I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
