Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Randomize
