I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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