So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
