i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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