Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
