dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
