I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
