I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
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We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
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do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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