So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
where are my eyebrows?
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