Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
