a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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