ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
and she was petting her beer can
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
