I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
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