She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
