Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
