Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Someone signed my nipple.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
