you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
