I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
