I think my vagina is haunted
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
