Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
