i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
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was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
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The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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