I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
