Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
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