areolas are like halos for boobs.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
