But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
