there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
