Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
They took my balls.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
