he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
