I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
