just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
