Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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