member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
