i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
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