he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
