So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
