You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
