Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Randomize
