Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Randomize
