I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
what day is it and did you see me today?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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