i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
