Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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